Growing up, I always felt different from other kids. I found it difficult connecting with them and couldn't recognize joking from them actually making fun of me. I lived in my own little world up until around the age of 12, when I realized nobody else acted the same. 

So, I masked. I imitated behavior I'd see my friends do or the popular kids do, even if it hurt others. I molded myself into societal standards without even knowing it. Deep down though, I still had intrusive thoughts, disconnection from others, and deeper questions about life that kids my age didn't seem to have. Who was I supposed to be? How will this choice impact my future? Was there life before this and if so, are there hints in this life to what came before? 

All of these questions at just age 13. Once in a while I would try to have deeper conversations with others, but they'd just laugh or say "who knows" and dismiss it, so I would too... outwardly. I had friends. But most felt like surface level friends. 

Not to mention I couldn't conform to some of the standards at home. I was a vegetarian, because I couldn't see the need to hurting defenseless animals. Plus, I felt more of a connection to animals than I did humans. From this alone I was bullied both at school and out of school from some family members. 

Alongside other trauma I witnessed and experienced as a child and throughout my life at home, I misinterpreted what appropriate attention meant. This lead to many years of choosing the wrong person, being SA'd.. and worse.. at different times in my life by various people (starting from age 14), and a spiral in my anxiety. 

One thing that remained constant throughout all of this, was my love for writing. I began writing short stories when I was a child, always excited to show my family, especially my mom and Nanny (grandmother). I didn't think of it as a career, because I wanted to be an actress or singer. But my Nanny could see the future apparently. She always told me I had a gift and that I should become a writer. Ta-da... guess what I became! Though to be fair, I still followed my original passions and became a voice actress alongside a writer. 

I didn't get my diagnosis until September, 2025. My son had already been diagnosed with a few things including ADHD and Autism back in 2023, which had me wondering if I had it too. Looking at his behavior, I recognized myself in him as a child, always pretending to be a cat, acting 'silly', using coping mechanisms to deal with anxiety such as laughing, not being able to keep my thoughts straight, etc. 

I have officially been diagnosed with ADHD, Autism, Sensory Processing Disorder, PTSD, and Insomnia. One of the big reasons I wanted to tell everyone this personal information is because I'm sick of the whole "well they don't look like it", which is what most people say about my son. 

That's complete and utter bullshit. People assume these 'disabilities' make us unintelligent, unable to fit into society. While we don't fit into the traditional 'societal standards', that doesn't mean we don't have aspirations or are stupid. I hold my BA in Game Art and Development which I graduated with high honors, Summa Cum Laude, ending with a GPA of 3.875. I currently have a 4.0 GPA while pursuing my MFA in Creative Writing and I'm a member of the Sigma Tau Delta English Honors Society. I plan to go on to get my PhD with the ultimate goal of creating my own publishing company and becoming a best selling author.

Overall, it's such a relief to finally have answers, it's like finding missing puzzle pieces from yourself. I finally know why little things set my anxiety off, why noises can overload me sometimes and did when I was younger, why I felt different, why I found it so easy to connect emotionally and immerse myself in media (books, movies) and would cry because I feel exactly what the characters feel but many neurotypicals don't operate this way, even some neurodivergents. But now that my eyes are open, I see just how this community is treated by others who don't understand.

ADHD, Autism, and the rest definitely come with their difficulties, but if you lean into what you're good at, then you can start thinking of them as gifts.... or... "superpowers". My brain constantly has 274398723489237 tabs open and while this quite often becomes exhausting and debilitating, it sometimes allows me to get more done at a faster rate (especially when combined with coffee). Since I connect so well.. as if I'm the character.. to fictional worlds, it allows me to create immersive and relatable characters/plots for my stories, hence the artistically autistic title. Yes, it means IRL I'm more emotional, my feelings get hurt (situationally) easier, and I cry... but I also love deeper, form deeper connections, and can emotionally put myself in others' shoes.

It's all about changing your mindset.

-Ella